Survivor Palau Week 13
What’s the difference between Caryn and a Pit Bull? Jewelry.
What's black and brown and looks good on Caryn? A doberman pinscher.
Sorry, couldn't resist the Lawyer jokes. Our favorite civil rights attorney apparently didn’t have a strong enough closing argument at last week’s Tribal Council. After putting everyone’s cards out on the table and revealing all alliances, the rest of the Koror vultures were sick and tired of Caryn’s nauseating drivel and promptly voted her off the tribe. Caryn swore to tell the truth, and nothing but the truth. And now the defense rests.
After Gregg’s surprise vote off, the remaining Koror members began a friendly game of musical chairs. Our sweet Polly Purebread Katie (who is about as sweet as a Habanero pepper and as pure as yellow snow) was visibly annoyed when Ian expressed his reluctance to vote off Tom. Can you blame him? Look what happened to Judas. But don’t put too much stock in Katie’s annoyance. Remember…here is Katie…and here is the universe revolving around her. Plus, she seriously wants to bone bony Ian and is probably a tad bit jealous because Tom seems to make Ian moister than Katie does.
Suddenly it was Reward Challenge. Just before they left for the contest, Tom pulled Ian aside and the two agreed that if either one of them won reward, they would not choose the other to accompany them on any getaways. It might be dangerous leaving the hens alone in the coop, plus they could work on the gals (heh) individually if they were split up.
When they arrived at the challenge site, they discovered that the prize was a red Corvette convertible and dinner in a hill-top mansion. Amazing how Tom and Ian predicted that. For this mission, Tribe members had to row a genuine authentic Palauan raft (which I believe Mr. Haney once tried to sell to Mr. Douglas) out to a pole and retrieve five bags containing mile markers. When all five were retrieved, the mile markers had to be placed on a pole under their corresponding cities in proper order. What an exciting game, blah, blah, blah. Ian won. There's your excitement.
With testosterone surging, Ian faltered and betrayed his crush Katie by choosing his alternative crush Tom to accompany him to the mansion for Boy’s Night Out. What’s that you say? Didn’t Tom SPECIFICALLY command Ian to NOT choose him should he win the reward? Yes, my brilliant minions, you are not crazy like Janu.
Hmmm…and what have we here? Is that smoke coming from Katie’s nostrils? The look on Katie’s face before and after Ian made his choice was priceless. Giddy schoolgirl turns into Regan from the Exorcist. They never really did address exactly WHY Ian made this decision, but I have my theory. Ian clearly wants to slip Katie the lean mean salami. But Ian is also somewhat of a geek and probably not skilled in the art of love. So what could be a more frightening prospect for a 24-year-old virgin? Little Red Corvette, baby. ‘Cause maybe Katie’s the kind of person who believes in makin’ out once, love ‘em and leave ‘em fast…
But I digress. Ian and his father split for the House on the Hill while the women headed back to conspire. Katie was almost spitting fire, which is ironic because Caryn is really the dragon of the bunch. Then Caryn, our oh-so-trustworthy attorney (not) revealed that she had an alliance of 3 – with Ian and Katie (at least, according to Ian). Not surprisingly, Jenn’s nostrils flared (and not because of the burning itch in her crotch – she has VD, you know). You can guess what happened next…Estrogen Pact! Caryn agreed but was secretly skeptical. So skeptical in fact, that she ran to her Fantasy Fireman and started a-blabbin’ as soon as he returned from his Turkish Bathhouse with Shaggy.*
Ian was Caryn's next victim as she called him out on his supposed alliances. Ian was his usual suave, sophisticated self, stuttering in his special flabbergasted way and not committing to anything except wanting to squeeze Katie’s mammaries. Suddenly, Ian was on everyone’s hit list. My gawd, it’s not just Katie…we have the entire 7th grade class on Palau!
In a desperate effort to gain back Katie’s love, Ian pulled her aside and engaged in an intense emotional discourse (holy cow, is that Sally Field on Palau? Either that or we've gotten caught in a Lifetime Movie Event nightmare). It was rather pathetic to see Ian groveling at Katie’s feet while she accused him of lying. Hello? Katie, five minutes ago you were Queen Bee to the female alliance, and let me just remind you that it wasn’t the first time you’ve tried to turn-coat on the men. Besides…Ian didn’t LIE to you (clearly he is incapable of that). What he did (in a rare IQ spike) was refrain from telling you that Gregg was next victim until it was too late for you to go yapping your man-pleaser to the others and spoil the plan!
Amid all the alliances came tree mail and the next Immunity challenge. This one required contestants to arrange picture blocks in the exact order as they were displayed at the other end of an obstacle course. If they asked for judgment from the honorable Jeff Probst and were incorrect, they had to go to the end of the course, check the order of the other blocks, and return to try again. Gee, big surprise. Tom won.
At Tribal Council Caryn didn’t hold back. Like any good lawyer, she laid all the facts out on the table for the Jury to hear. Unfortunately for her, the other tribe members trumped her low hand and the game was over. Caryn was the next to go and somewhere out in the pacific, thousands of sharks are weeping.
*Credit for the "Shaggy" reference goes to Steve W. I'm not sure how I missed that one...it's so obvious!
What's black and brown and looks good on Caryn? A doberman pinscher.
Sorry, couldn't resist the Lawyer jokes. Our favorite civil rights attorney apparently didn’t have a strong enough closing argument at last week’s Tribal Council. After putting everyone’s cards out on the table and revealing all alliances, the rest of the Koror vultures were sick and tired of Caryn’s nauseating drivel and promptly voted her off the tribe. Caryn swore to tell the truth, and nothing but the truth. And now the defense rests.
After Gregg’s surprise vote off, the remaining Koror members began a friendly game of musical chairs. Our sweet Polly Purebread Katie (who is about as sweet as a Habanero pepper and as pure as yellow snow) was visibly annoyed when Ian expressed his reluctance to vote off Tom. Can you blame him? Look what happened to Judas. But don’t put too much stock in Katie’s annoyance. Remember…here is Katie…and here is the universe revolving around her. Plus, she seriously wants to bone bony Ian and is probably a tad bit jealous because Tom seems to make Ian moister than Katie does.
Suddenly it was Reward Challenge. Just before they left for the contest, Tom pulled Ian aside and the two agreed that if either one of them won reward, they would not choose the other to accompany them on any getaways. It might be dangerous leaving the hens alone in the coop, plus they could work on the gals (heh) individually if they were split up.
When they arrived at the challenge site, they discovered that the prize was a red Corvette convertible and dinner in a hill-top mansion. Amazing how Tom and Ian predicted that. For this mission, Tribe members had to row a genuine authentic Palauan raft (which I believe Mr. Haney once tried to sell to Mr. Douglas) out to a pole and retrieve five bags containing mile markers. When all five were retrieved, the mile markers had to be placed on a pole under their corresponding cities in proper order. What an exciting game, blah, blah, blah. Ian won. There's your excitement.
With testosterone surging, Ian faltered and betrayed his crush Katie by choosing his alternative crush Tom to accompany him to the mansion for Boy’s Night Out. What’s that you say? Didn’t Tom SPECIFICALLY command Ian to NOT choose him should he win the reward? Yes, my brilliant minions, you are not crazy like Janu.
Hmmm…and what have we here? Is that smoke coming from Katie’s nostrils? The look on Katie’s face before and after Ian made his choice was priceless. Giddy schoolgirl turns into Regan from the Exorcist. They never really did address exactly WHY Ian made this decision, but I have my theory. Ian clearly wants to slip Katie the lean mean salami. But Ian is also somewhat of a geek and probably not skilled in the art of love. So what could be a more frightening prospect for a 24-year-old virgin? Little Red Corvette, baby. ‘Cause maybe Katie’s the kind of person who believes in makin’ out once, love ‘em and leave ‘em fast…
But I digress. Ian and his father split for the House on the Hill while the women headed back to conspire. Katie was almost spitting fire, which is ironic because Caryn is really the dragon of the bunch. Then Caryn, our oh-so-trustworthy attorney (not) revealed that she had an alliance of 3 – with Ian and Katie (at least, according to Ian). Not surprisingly, Jenn’s nostrils flared (and not because of the burning itch in her crotch – she has VD, you know). You can guess what happened next…Estrogen Pact! Caryn agreed but was secretly skeptical. So skeptical in fact, that she ran to her Fantasy Fireman and started a-blabbin’ as soon as he returned from his Turkish Bathhouse with Shaggy.*
Ian was Caryn's next victim as she called him out on his supposed alliances. Ian was his usual suave, sophisticated self, stuttering in his special flabbergasted way and not committing to anything except wanting to squeeze Katie’s mammaries. Suddenly, Ian was on everyone’s hit list. My gawd, it’s not just Katie…we have the entire 7th grade class on Palau!
In a desperate effort to gain back Katie’s love, Ian pulled her aside and engaged in an intense emotional discourse (holy cow, is that Sally Field on Palau? Either that or we've gotten caught in a Lifetime Movie Event nightmare). It was rather pathetic to see Ian groveling at Katie’s feet while she accused him of lying. Hello? Katie, five minutes ago you were Queen Bee to the female alliance, and let me just remind you that it wasn’t the first time you’ve tried to turn-coat on the men. Besides…Ian didn’t LIE to you (clearly he is incapable of that). What he did (in a rare IQ spike) was refrain from telling you that Gregg was next victim until it was too late for you to go yapping your man-pleaser to the others and spoil the plan!
Amid all the alliances came tree mail and the next Immunity challenge. This one required contestants to arrange picture blocks in the exact order as they were displayed at the other end of an obstacle course. If they asked for judgment from the honorable Jeff Probst and were incorrect, they had to go to the end of the course, check the order of the other blocks, and return to try again. Gee, big surprise. Tom won.
At Tribal Council Caryn didn’t hold back. Like any good lawyer, she laid all the facts out on the table for the Jury to hear. Unfortunately for her, the other tribe members trumped her low hand and the game was over. Caryn was the next to go and somewhere out in the pacific, thousands of sharks are weeping.
*Credit for the "Shaggy" reference goes to Steve W. I'm not sure how I missed that one...it's so obvious!
posted by thebeann at 8:11 PM
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